Saturday, February 09, 2008

Don't Be a Stupid Illiterate VAGINA

Few things in life PISS me off more than stupid VAGINA'S who can't read and have ZERO COMMON SENSE. Case in point.. The other day I had to run into Target for two items. I quickly locate the two items and proceed to the checkout counter. In typical fashion for that time of day at Target they only have 2 regular checkout lanes open and of course one lane for those shoppers with 10 items or less. Which seems to be adequate staffing based on the number of customers in the store. Of course this was the line I proceeded too.

I am most eager to get in and out as fast as I can. I have things to do today and standing in line is not one of them. Hence I am grateful that Target has a 10 item or less checkout to speed me on my way. Or so I thought.

As I step up to the 10 item line I notice there is a 35 to 40 year old woman with her snot nosed 9 or 10 year old son in tow. This little monster is of course fingering every item around the checkout counter that he can get his grubby little paws on. The only saving grace about the little bastard was that he was quite. Why this little hellion isn't in school at this time is another mystery that I won't explore at this time.

While I am patiently waiting for my chance to check out, it dawns on me that my wait seems to be taking much longer than it should for a 10 item or less register. As I peer around the woman in front of me's rather large backside I notice that low and behold this stupid illiterate VAGINA in front of me has close to 30 items to be checked out in the 10 item or less line. To make matters worse she is tossing some items aside claiming she "doesn't want them.." Trust me she didn't toss enough of her 30 items to get the number down to ten either. Tick tock...Tick tock.

Several minutes pass and little progress is being made. To further compound the issue the cashier who is also a stupid illiterate VAGINA, obviously doesn't have the balls or the brains to tell the other stupid illiterate VAGINA that her line is reserved for those customers with 10 items or less. So I am now stuck behind this twit because other customers have also joined the line at the 10 item or less register. Trying to make a dash for one of the other regular registers doesn't seem to be a viable option either or I would have made the break for it. A quick glance at the customers lining up behind me show that all have the required 10 items or less. At least some people can read.

As more time passed waiting, you could feel the anger in the air from the other customers and myself at this point. No one said anything but it was clear people were not happy with what was going on. Long audible sighs and a well timed throat clearing or two from some of the other customers fell on deaf ears. The cashier and the customer in question seemed to be oblivious to the issue which made the situation even more frustrating. The cashier was doing her part to make sure things progressed slowly by engaging this customer in droning "chit chat" as well. Meanwhile the rest of us are stuck.

As I was standing in line all I could think about was, "What is so hard about the concept that a checkout line with a sign that clearly reads 10 items or less is to only be used by those customers who have 10 items or less?" Simple logic says it isn't hard unless of course you are a stupid illiterate VAGINA.

I should have called for a manager and raised HOLY HELL but I didn't. My blood pressure was redlining by the time I got checked out and to be honest I was afraid of what I might say. It is important when complaining in person to sound calm and rational and at this time I was neither. I will however curtail my shopping at Target and when I do avoid that cashier's lane.

Moral of the story if you have a vagina, don't be a stupid illiterate VAGINA. If you have a penis, don't be a stupid illiterate penis.



Blogger SillyBahrainiGirl said...

Brilliant post CW. Don't you go dragging me into Target when I come and visit you in Easter!

February 12, 2008 4:39 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


February 13, 2008 11:52 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

How about a post about Cigarette Boy and Propane Guy?

April 12, 2008 4:45 AM  
Blogger Um Naief said...

ok, first.. the little boy was maybe fingering every item because that's what they do... or so my 16 mth old is at this time in his life. maybe they outgrow that! ;)

i like your take on vaginas.... interesting way of describing ppl!!! such anger... such enthusiasm...

just love it.

June 06, 2008 12:01 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Uh, sexist?

August 15, 2008 9:50 PM  
Blogger Cerebralwaste said...


I don't find this post "sexist" at all. Rather I find it FACTUAL. You are most welcome to submit to me your reasons why you find this post to be sexist and I will post them unedited.

For your information posters "SillyBahrainiGirl" and "Um Naief" are both women and the liked the post. Nether to my knowledge found it "sexist".


August 16, 2008 5:23 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

First off, referring to people by their genitalia is tasteless and a shameless attempt at culminating your reader and comment count. Now as for your last line of the post, I must admit, it was a pretty good way of avoiding the "sexist!" outcries from your predominately-female readers. However, that still does not mean that your post is not sexist at its core. The pair of obvious antagonists in your story are all females and referred to as "vaginas." You also assumed that being stupid is to be paired with being illiterate, which is a logical fallacy to say the least. Sure, the checkout lady did not have the balls to tell the big lady to move to another queue, but she was 1) big, and 2) had a snotty-nose kid, which probably meant she was pretty irritated by now.

As for the idle chatter, Target, and other major retailers like Wal-Mart, require their employees to be friendly and handle upset customers carefully, e.g. asking them how they're doing and how their shopping experience was and not upsetting them even further by asking them to move to the regular checkout line if their item count has exceeded the limit for the express checkout line. I know this because my girlfriend worked retail for two years. May I also add that you sound like someone who won't be having kids anytime soon.

Maybe you should have talked to the manager, he would've told you exactly what I'm telling you right now. If you did, your post would have probably been more rational and not so filled with hate/anger overtones.

Morale of the story, there is no moral to your story, but some bloggers need sensitivity training.

August 22, 2008 9:16 PM  
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