Monday, March 26, 2007

"Osama Bin Laden and Three American Women"

While trying to escape through Pakistan , Osama Bin Laden found a bottle on the beach and picked it up.

Suddenly, a female genie rose from the bottle and with a smile said, "Master, may I grant you one wish?" Osama responded, "You ignorant, unworthy daughter-of-a-dog! Don't you know who I am? I don't need any common woman giving me anything." The shocked genie said, "Please, I must grant you a wish or I will be returned to that bottle forever."

Osama thought a moment, then grumbled about the impertinence of the woman and said, "Very well, I want to awaken with three American women in my bed in the morning. So just do it and be off with you." The annoyed genie said, "So be it!" and disappeared. The next morning Bin Laden woke up in bed with Lorena Bobbitt, Tonya Harding, and Hillary Clinton at his side. His privates were gone, his knees were broken, and he had no health insurance. God is good!!

Sunday, March 18, 2007

What Pisses Me OFF! Well some of the things...........

Asswipes who improperly use THEM in sentence structure. i.e LOOK AT THEM COWS instead of Look at THOSE cows.

Dipsticks who constantly say "I says" instead of I said.

White Trash that say "I am going to take MY shower" or "I took my shower." Which infers that you only get one. Last time I checked there was no law that states you can only take ONE SHOWER. Many of these people smell worse than many in France. So please, PLEASE.. I beg you take another SHOWER! (Use some SOAP as well!)

People who are surprised that they or the significant other got pregnant and admit they didn't use BIRTH CONTROL. Hello Mc FLY??? Hello?!

Meteorologists who couldn't predict a weather forecast if their LIVES depended on it and still retain their well paying jobs.

Teachers who allow kids to slide year after year through school knowing full well the kids can't read.

Actors who think they know the answers to the worlds problems yet most never made it past HIGH SCHOOL.

Lazy ass F&^KS who toss their cigarette butts out their car window.

Checkout clerks at the grocery store who do nothing more than chit chat with the clerk next to

People who seem intent on pluralizing words that are not plural. i.e. Rite Aids instead of Rite Aid. Paneras instead of Panera

The semi recent idea that I should tip the non English speaking twit at Dunkin Donuts and other places OF THE SAME SORT. Take a look next time your in even a sub shop and don't be surprised to see a "TIP JAR" next to the cash registrar.

Newspapers that constantly report any auto accident with an SUV as the SUV is a living being.


Thursday, March 08, 2007


ALGORE ALGORE WHERE ART THOU ALGORE? And yes that is one word...ALGORE.. not... Al Gore..

Climate Summary
February 2007

The average temperature in February 2007 was 32.9 F. This was -1.8 F cooler than the 1901-2000 (20th century) average, the 34th coolest February in 113 years. The temperature trend for the period of record (1895 to present) is 0.3 degrees Fahrenheit per decade. 1.56 inches of precipitation fell in February. This was -0.46 inches less than the 1901-2000 average, the 16th driest such month on record. The precipitation trend for the period of record (1895 to present) is 0.00 inches per decade.

Friday, March 02, 2007

That's a Bummer DUDE..........
AMSTERDAM, Netherlands Mar 2, 2007 (AP)—
Three tons of hashish went up in smoke Friday, incinerated by Dutch authorities after a van carrying the illicit cargo crashed and scattered it across the road. Detectives were hunting the van's driver and a passenger who fled the scene, leaving behind the wrecked vehicle and its $20 million cargo.
"It's not something you see every day," police spokesman Hielke Vogelzang said, adding that police were tracing the owner of the van, but "it may be stolen or leased." The crash happened during the morning commute on a highway outside the town of Avenhorn, about 20 miles north of Amsterdam, police said.
Vogelzang said it was unknown whether the vehicle's occupants were injured, but "we're confident we'll catch up to them sooner or later." Police said the van was heading toward Amsterdam when its driver lost control for unknown reasons. They said eyewitnesses saw the van hit a barrier, flip and clip another car before coming to rest. The two occupants ran away.
Packages of hash were scattered around the area, local media reported, and Vogelzang said that hundreds more were found stacked on wooden pallets inside the van.
Marijuana and hash are technically illegal in the Netherlands, but under the country's tolerance policy, police do not arrest anybody for possession of small amounts.
It is sold openly in licensed shops which, paradoxically, have no way of legally acquiring their chief product.
Copyright 2007 The Associated Press.