Wednesday, January 11, 2006

The British are feeling the pinch in relation to recent bombings and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though,security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A BitCross." Londoners have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940,when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorizedfrom "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a"Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666.

Also, the French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are"Surrender" and "Collaborate." The rise was precipitated by a recent firethat destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing thecountry's military capability.It's not only the English and French that are on a heightened level ofalert.

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly"to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "IneffectiveCombat Operations" and "Change Sides."The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to"Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels:"Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose."

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

THE Starling Shop

She was resting on couch,
I reached for the lovely fruit bowl,
my arm brushed her leg,

The door opened,
It was her husband Dick,
who then looked at Wanda Puller,

Wanda was his longtime secretary,
there was silence except for the cat,

Wanda recognized me,
she said; "Oh hi there,
hey, my sister remarried,

just as you said,
'cept people still call her,
Helen Bed,

her old name, Isn't that funny?"
"Hmm, yes," I said,
my hands never moved,

'cept to pet the cat,
Dick was wearing a feather boa,
I asked; "Where did you get that?,"

He hesitated, I smiled, he couldn't lie now,
She moved her legs,
Dick said;"I was trying to make the cat jealous,

so I went with Wanda,
ahh, and Helen too,
to a cocktail party,"

my hand was firmly rubbing
and petting the pussy cat now,
prrrrr, perfectly quiet sounds,

A policeman walked in the open door,
"Is there a Richard Wrighter here?,"

"Your car was just stolen,"
he ran to the elevator,
had to see for himself,

the officier hesitated but then followed him,
Wanda walked over to the sofa,
she reclined,

she began tickling the c't,
She looked at Wanda,
then they spoke;
(as the cat perrrrrfectly loved the petting),
Hi Wanda, so how's life going?
Hi Wanda, Great,so how's life going?

January 19, 2006 9:55 AM  
Blogger toianii said...

It's European history in a nutshell.

February 14, 2006 2:02 PM  
Blogger Cerebralwaste said...


Thanks for stopping by!

February 14, 2006 3:19 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sir. I'm British, damn it, and I'm writing to say that I'm Bloody Fed Up, Actually. That's a shade higher than 'Bloody Nuisance', in my book.

February 15, 2006 1:09 AM  
Anonymous We are, aren't we? said...

We find the quality of your work to be most appealing. We said "ha ha", while still retaining ones composure. We are most amused.

We send greetings to your mother, your father and your family, and take pleasure in making the aquaintence of a better class of people.

We hope that you will be able to join us for tea at our summer house. We take our leave of you now and wish you good morrow.

Wishes and kind regards.


February 15, 2006 4:20 AM  
Blogger mac said...

About Italy you forgot the "blame others for insuccess" bit.
Nice one mate!

February 15, 2006 2:53 PM  
Anonymous FreakUnique said...

Love that little comedy. It's so true as well in the Brit's case. Though if I was denied my cuppa tea, the perperatrators would be on the receiving end of a frying pan repeatedly whammed hard against their heads till they returned the tea. PANZOKUKEN

March 04, 2006 12:06 PM  
Blogger Cerebralwaste said...


I could go on forever about the Italians but my Italian wife won't le me!


I must confess a weakness for my daily "cuppa tea" as well and I LOVE the frying pan upside someones head idea!

March 04, 2006 3:22 PM  
Anonymous joshborn said...

you took the words out of my mouth chap ,wot wot

May 04, 2006 6:34 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i say you forgot the russian's highest alert level "kill evrybody in sight"

May 04, 2006 6:38 PM  

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